Feel
Today it didn't rain,
but I wanted that it would.
I felt happy when it rains.

The air was full of water but there was no water.
I felt it - it was there.

Why could I not see it ?
I felt like it should have rained.

But then again I just didn't care about it because what could happen bad to me ?
It was a nice week and nothing should happen to me.

And actually it didn't.
I was kept safe in my bouble of safety and nobody could enter.
Why should they ?

But then again after a nice lunch a colleague was phoning home (to Spain).
He has got a ill father.
He is that kind of Spanish guy - little bit brown, dark hair, nice smile, great personality. That kind what you want for a friend and all girls want for their boyfriend.
He was not happy after his phone call.
As I am a standin for the team leader I felt like to know what the problem is. Because when there is something wrong in the family it can also harm the team.

"They don't give much time for my father, when they call me I have to go home."

Dam. Like, why ?
I just don't know why I felt so bad by this. I even don't care when a celebrity dies. Everybody tells - ow so bad he/she died he/she was a great man/woman. I just don't care - there are people going away every day - every hour. Why should I care ?

But by this I felt other.
Like someone who I know really close dies. (or in this situation - will die).

Does this world know only how to make pain - not happiness ?

There are many things I would like to blame on people / blame on everyone / blame on God. But I won't because I know there is something other.
There is something what I can't understand and maybe never will.

I don't have any answer why.

Why do we have feelings ?



Just stop...
- posted by calmsky @ 8:58 PM